VIP question from Cheri: Hello, I was hoping you could give me some clarity. I’ve been with the same guy on and off for several years now. Recently, I found out that he’s been with another girl when he’s “off” with me. I don’t know if he cares about that other girl more than me? Or what are his true feelings for me? It’s very difficult for me to let go because he’s the first guy I have ever truly cared about and the person with whom I lost my virginity. I’m constantly questioning if he’s been manipulating me this whole time, if he really did feel strongly for me once but now things have changed, or if I’m creating all this negativity in my mind. He’s a very ambitious person and he is very consumed with work. I am very consumed with medical school, so I’m okay with the fact that we don’t have that much time for each other right now. Does he truly care about me and does he potentially see a future with me or will I always come second to that other girl? Thank you.
Medium Laura Lee: I receive a lot of questions, similar to yours Cheri, that I believe would be easily resolved if two people communicated with one another. Find the courage to ask him these questions face to face next time you see each other. Then believe whatever he has to say to you. IF you can’t seem to find the courage, then ‘ask’ for help ~ find a quiet place and invite spirit (angels, God, Christ…or any guide you feel connected) to guide you to speak the words from your heart at the appropriate time/place to ask him if he cares for you? And does he see a future with you?
However, since you asked for my impressions, I believe you need to trust your instincts. ‘Constant questioning’ means that you are receiving guidance. I get the sense that he cares only about himself at this point. He’s young and doesn’t want a commitment, especially if work and other women are involved. But, that doesn’t mean it is the end of your story with this man, because you gave me reasons why you can’t give up on him. Thus, you continue to make yourself available on his terms. And that maybe part of the reason you are feeling disempowered by this relationship.
I recommend you get yourself a copy of Dr. Pat Allen’s ‘Getting to I do’ (which can mean marriage or just having a long-term relationship) to help empower you in this relationship. She gives good practical advice for relationships that would make sense for you in this dynamic. I believe it will help you decide if you want to be ‘second to that other girl’ (which of course, I don’t believe no one wants to be second!). Unless you follow some of her steps, I get the feeling that if you continue with this man, you always feel second to another. I’m willing to bet that if you were to turn the tables on him and become very consumed with school, dated other men, and seemed preoccupied with your life direction, he’d be conveniently available to you, because that is the game he is playing with you.
After reading your question, I get the sense you aren’t even sure how you ‘feel’ about him at this moment as you are a bit plagued by resentment and anger, from the dynamic, which is why you aren’t feeling the ‘love’ per say. You might be holding on to this relationship for the wrong reasons. It is one thing to say you ‘care’ for someone to retain a relationship, but giving up your virginity to someone doesn’t necessarily mean they are the ‘one’ ~ especially in the 21st century. Ultimately, you have to decide, not him, what you ‘feel’ and ‘want’ (can/cannot do) in terms of this relationship, because he’ll be back around that revolving door. Do you receive him with open arms?
I believe once you find ‘love’ with another, he will be a memory.
By the way, Cheri, I sense a grandparent, on the other side, who mentions you weren’t the first to embark on a career in the medical field in the family. I also see someone close to you that is a nurse. And finally, that this isn’t the only school you will attend ~ in fact, you may take a break and resume school at another location (and/or already have up to this point). I hope this make sense as they are confirmations to the points made above. Keep me posted!
Despite the heartache, I wish you happiness and love for the New Year! Keep me posted. Bless, LL
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